On October 31, 2006, a west Texas community college was holding a Halloween night monster movie lecture taught by Dr. T. Thadeus Jordan.  Rest of the room was filled with player characters:

  In addition to the students (who were unanimously there to get extra credit, once again crushing the professor’s hopes of students desiring education), there was a creepy old man, wrinkled with age, looking through a twitching lazy-eye, and limping as he walks.  He set up the projector and then placed a series of black placards on an easel behind the professor.

  Joe shows up late, explaining he’s there to fix the professor’s car.  The professor tells him to wait and begins the lecture.  After bemoaning the lack of interest from the student body, he pulls away the first placard, revealing a new one with shining black printed on a black background, which reads:

The creature will take what it does not have
Give it what it will not take
Nothing can die if it does not live

  Just then, the room begins to swim.  Everyone’s eyes go dark like that numb feeling of standing up too quickly, and when their vision returns, they find themselves on a lonely stretch of highway through a forest.  Nearby, a sign, with a population number scribbled out and what appears to be a bite taken out of it, reads, “Welcome to Halloweentowne.”

  After a moment of confusion, several of them begin breaking the desks they were sitting in apart, making metal clubs for themselves.  The professor begins musing on who is likely to survive.  As they work, Art Vandelay suddenly trips over nothing, as if something grabbed his foot.  His shoe is pulled off, floats in the air, and then walks as if an invisible man were wearing it.  Everyone is flabbergasted.

  Art is then attacked again as something grabs his left wrist, pulling till his hand is wrenched off.  The others try to attack the invisible assailant, but as they strike where there should be a head or body, there is only air.  Vandelay is again grabbed, but they strike the hand, causing an unholy growl of pain.  The hand, floating in midair, and the shoe, proportionally placed, run away into the dark forest.

  After some emergency care and a great deal of screaming, car lights appear, coming in from out of town.  The lights slow, revealing it to be an old Pierce Arrow in surprisingly good condition.  Three girls dressed as 1920s flappers sit inside, offering them a ride into town for a party.  There is a bit of discussion, then they decide to join them.

  They pile into the car, some on the running boards, and the girls introduce themselves as Moxie, Roxy, and Cecelia, the driver.  As they drive away, the girls begin to sing, and the guys are enamored of them.  Eerie fast jazz music begins to play, as if from nowhere.  Marti, the only other female, wonders what has come over them.

  Headlights come from the other direction, and the gang passes by a modified armored car driven by a fifty-year-old man with scraggly hair and a green-gray flannel shirt.  The man watches them go by, then slams the brakes behind them.  His car spins, and he takes up pursuit.

  Giggling with glee, Cecelia accelerates, and the singing gets louder.  The man in the armored car pulls up next to them and rolls down his window.  Screeching bagpipe music pours out, and he shouts, barely over the noise, “Pull over!  Get out of their car!”

  Moxie replies, “Your father’s mustache!”, and the chase accelerates again.  The armored car eventually pulls in front of them and brakes, forcing Cecelia to run into him and stop.  The door to the armored car opens, and the man steps out with a military shotgun.  He begins yelling warnings and motioning for people to get out of the way.

  In song, the girls begin telling the boys to attack the man.  They climb off the car and march toward him.  As Brian steps out of the sound of the loud jazz and into the sound bubble of the bagpipe music, he begins to realize he was under a spell and moves to stop the others.

  The girls sing louder, and Marti, seeing the girls as sirens, hits Cecelia in the back of the head with her pingpong paddle (which she always carries being an avid pingpong enthusiast).  Cecelia stops singing and attacks Marti, and it is only seconds before someone makes a “cat-fight” joke.

  Then the man from the armored car shoots off Roxie’s head.  A scuffle ensues between him and the entranced players, but the bagpipe music wakes most of them up.  Roxie suddenly sits up, the wound in her head closing over as if she were made of clay.  Soon Billy and Jerry arm themselves and shoot up the car.  The old man mistakenly nicks Marti’s shoulder, then Joe whacks Cecelia with his mechanic’s wrench so Marti can escape.

  A short gas leak and thrown lighter later, the car bursts into flames.  The burning sirens sing, calling for help, and the guys feel the urge to jump into the fire after them.  Fortunately, they fight it off, and the sirens’ song dies away.

  The man urges everyone into the car, but Joe asks to wait till his wrench cools from being caught in the fire.  The man, who introduces himself as “Greg”, agrees, then tells the tale of Halloweentowne.  The players take in their fate with silence, while the professor begins musing to himself.

  The professor muses, then is suddenly grabbed by an invisible force around his waist.  The others look closer, finding Art’s hand and shoe in the proper place for an invisible man.  They try to shoot, but the professor makes a good flailing shield, and he is dragged screaming into the dark woods.  No one volunteers to go after him.

  As they wait, new headlights appear, then police lights flash.  A well-fed deputy pulls up in his cruiser, gets out, and looks at the flaming mess.  He points a flashlight at Greg and says, “I should’ve known you’d be up to something like this.”

  Then the professor walks out of the forest, stumbling slightly as if his suit is too tight.  Blood drips from him, and he is wearing Art’s shoe.  A closer look reveals a great deal of blood on his left wrist, and his hand to be the larger hand of Art Vandelay.  Greg and everyone who’s armed point a gun at him, causing the cop to point a gun and shout, “Put down your weapons!”

  Someone shoots the professor, blowing out a chunk of his lower torso.  The unholy scream rings again.  As the cop points the gun at Greg and shouts, Jerry shoots him.  Then the professor descends onto the body, pulling out organs and stuffing them into his stomach.  The others fire, and the monstrous collection of bodyparts flees into the woods.

  About this time, everyone decides to head into town away from the dark forest.  Greg drives the armored car while Joe takes the police car.  They pass an old Victorian mansion on a hilltop with a tall electrified fence around it and large warning signs.  Greg explains that it is his monster and says, “It used to be smaller, you know, only ten or twelve rooms.  It’s as if it’s growing.”

  They go past a few housing additions, then come to Greg’s neighborhood with his fortress at the end of the street.  He opens the gate with a remote, then pulls into the garage.  A gang of kids run up to the fence and yell, “Trick-or-treat!”

  Greg tells the others to go inside and make themselves comfortable.  He then takes a bowl of candy from the side of the garage, gives handfuls to each kid, and sets it outside of the fence with a sign reading, “Take all you want.”  He closes the fence and ushers the others into the house.

  They rest a bit, get some of the blood and ash cleaned up, and Marti makes sandwiches.  After looking over his monster list, they discuss and find that their monster is most likely this bodysnatcher.  Greg arms them up, then says he’s going to do his yearly errands of bank robbing.  Not knowing how to hunt their monster, the others volunteer to go with him.

  Loading up in the cop car and bank truck, they head out into the night.  Greg takes his own modified Harley motorcycle.  They drive around, dodging a giant alligator and eventually getting downtown to the First National Bank of Halloweentowne.  They park the cars out front, with Greg, Jerry, and Joe venturing inside.  Brian, taking a sniper rifle, climbs to the roof.  The others mill around, watching, waiting.

  Inside the bank, they find the security officer’s desk lamp still on over a Calvin & Hobbes comic book, but his chair overturned.  Jerry waits in the lobby and Greg and Joe walk behind the counter.  Greg hears a strange grunt, peeks behind where the tellers would be, and his suddenly tackled by a huge warthog.  Joe whacks it with his wrench, and it bites Greg’s hand.  The monster then turns on Joe, making him wrestle with it while Jerry fires at it.  It bites Joe’s ankle, then they blow its head off, making it fall over.  Soon baby giant pigs leap out of the exploded belly and run around squealing.

  The others outside begin to hear the noise, but soon meet trouble of their own.  A huge bat flies overhead, at which Brian fires.  It swoops and catches him by the arms, carrying him down the street.  Marti, Art, and Billy chase after it, shooting as they go.  After a huge hail of gunfire, the wings are ripped up enough that the bat tumbles to the ground.  Brian, caught in its tangled wings, shoots its body with his handgun.  The wings begin to shrink, and Brian fights his way out.  Everyone runs to him, helping him up and watching the giant bat turn into a black-haired little girl.  She lies dead on the street with her arms battered and her body bleeding.  For good measure and because he’s a psycho, Billy stomps on her head with his cleets.

  Meanwhile, in the bank, Jerry and Joe finish stomping and shooting all the baby pigs out of existence.  Greg, huddled in a corner clutching his bitten hand, groans and stands.  They see his wound becoming black and hairy, as is the bite on Joe’s leg.

  Greg grits his teeth against the pain and says, “We’ve got to go see I guy I know.  Now.”

  As they run out of the bank, two cars pull up.  One is driven by Fred Camodus, 21, a kleptomaniac with a drinking and smoking problem (played by Sam), while the other is a security agency truck driven by Fenton Jinks (Chad) out making his rounds.  Seeing the break-in, Fenton declares them all under citizen’s arrest, but no one seems to pay attention.  Joe, Jerry, and Greg pile into the police car, Jerry driving.  Marti, Art, and Billy pile into the truck to follow.  Fenton jumps in as well, still declaring arrest.  Fred, curious, goes with them.  Brian nicks Greg’s motorcycle and goes along.

  Greg, spouting directions as he grunts against the pain of turning into a werepig, leads them away from downtown.  Those in the bank truck lose them as something suddenly stops it cold.  They lurch forward as said something lifts the back wheels off the ground, making them spin.  Greg urges the cop car to go on as his hand and Joe’s foot have turned into hooves.  Brian sees the monster as a giant green slime, and thinks twice about trying to explode it.

  Those in the truck tumble out and see the monstrous green slime sticking up from the sewer and soaking in the truck.  Not knowing quite what else to do, they run the few blocks back to the bank to get Fenton’s and Fred’s cars.  Most pile into Fred’s Kia, while Fenton follows from behind.

  After discussing all the weirdness going on in the city and their loss of the truck arsenal, they decide to stop at a restaurant for fire extinguishers, knives, and the makings of Molotov cocktails.  They come to the Chez Umbrella, and Fred, Art, and Marti sneak inside.

  It is a dark and eerie fancy restaurant with the table clothes blowing as if in a breeze.  Suddenly, a booming voice with a demonic French accent asks, “May I show you to a table?”

  Chairs and napkins begin flying everywhere, and they find themselves caught seated at tables.  Taking knives, Fred and Marti cut themselves free and begin fighting the flying implements of mass consumption.  Art, meanwhile, orders the chicken marsala.

  A titanic battle ensues, with Fenton bursting his truck in the front window and Billy trying to set the place on fire.  Fenton frees Marti, who floors the truck, spinning its tires forward as an invisible force pushes it out of the restaurant.  Eventually, they end up stealing a few bottles from the bar and knives, then escape into the street.

  Art, meanwhile, has a taste of the chicken marsala.  It’s good, if eerily delivered by an invisible waiter.  The booming waiter voice says, “Now, sir, about your bill, which shall be… your eternal soul!”

  The chicken’s all right, but not worth that.  Art tries to send it back, then refuses to pay, so he gets thrown out of the restaurant.  The voice booms, “And let that morsel of chicken be forever on your head!”

  Having escaped Chez Umbrella, the gang piles into the Kia and Fenton’s pickup truck (Fenton has, by this time, decided that there are things more important than arrests and vows to help them).  They drive up the street where they had left, finding the bank truck back in place.  The green slime, finding no meat to eat, had gone.  Warily, they drive the truck again.

  While all this has been happening, the cop car and motorcycle arrived at a rundown apartment complex, where Greg tells them to get out.  His arm has become a leg with his shoulders and part of his neck growing the hairs and thick muscles of a werepig.  With his good hand, he pushes one of the intercom buttons, which is labeled, “Vincent Du.”

  A rastafari reply comes, saying, “This is Voo, mon.”

  Greg explains the situation hurriedly, and Voo lets them into the building.  Greg, Joe, and Jerry go up to Voo’s apartment, while Brian stays with the vehicles.  Voo, a man in his mid-sixties with a vague Caribbean accent and dreadlocks, greets them at his door, carrying a tall wooden stick with feathers, beads, and bones attached.  Salt lines the threshold and windows.  Chicken bones hang from the ceiling by red strings.  Jimi Hendrix posters cover the wall.

  Voo treats the affected werepig areas with mysterious powders and a wave of his stick.  As quickly as they had spread, they begin to heal, turning back to human flesh and the thick black hairs falling out.  Once healed, Voo offers them some fruit juice.

  The others soon arrive, seeing Brian and the vehicles from the street.  Brian points them upstairs, so they gather in the apartment.  Voo treats them all to some fruit juice.

  After some discussion, they decide to hold a quick séance to find some information on how to kill the invisible bodysnatcher.  He also supplies Jerry and Brian with some rose-colored sixties sunglasses capable of seeing spirits (but don't look at demons through 'em, cause they'll melt out your eyes).  Voo puts them in a circle, lights some candles and such, and begins chanting.

  A ghastly female ghost appears at the window, trying to push her way in, though she can’t seem to get past the salt line.  Voo shakes his stick at her and says, “Go on, now”, and she leaves.

  Soon, the ghost of a black jazz trombone player flies into the window, speaking in ‘30s slang.  After a few jokes, the jazz player asks to hurry up since he’s got a jam session with Louie Armstrong and Ray Charles.  They ask what something needs to live, and he replies, “A heart, man.”  Then he leaves and Voo waves goodbye.

  At this point, Fred snaps and begins punching Voo as he goes to get some more juice.  Voo tells him to knock it off, but Fred kicks him while he’s down, so Voo sprays him in the face with some powder.  Fred’s skin then begins to peel off, and a few moments later, he’s a skinless zombie butler.

  Greg apologizes for the interruption, and they head out into the street again.  Now that they know what to do, the gang decides to separate from Greg.  Greg takes his motorcycle back from Brian and heads back toward downtown.

  After considering cutting up Art Vandelay (whose hair has begun to grow as Angel Hair pasta and he reeks of cooked chicken) for his heart, they figure that they can get a heart from a biology room of the high school.  There was the suggestion of going to the hospital, but that was met with shrieks and memories of zombies.

  Using the onboard computer in the bank truck, they get directions to the high school and head out in the cop car, bank truck, and Fenton’s pickup truck (in the back of which Billy hides).  Marti drives the cop car with Art nearby.  She glances into the rearview mirror and finds glowing golden cats’ eyes in the shadows of the backseat.  Loud purring begins.  Wisely, she stops the car and the two get out.  They flag down the bank truck and leave the cop car and its mysterious shadows.

  After going around a man in a black trench coat, the gang comes to Halloweentowne High (Go Pumpkins!).  It is the night of the Halloween Dance, and the quad is packed with students in costume.  After parking in the parking lot, Fenton, Joe, Jerry, and Marti head into the classroom building.  Brian stays with the cars.  Billy, meanwhile, pops out of the truck and headbutts a student dressed as a zombie that tries to bite him.  Art Vandelay, in his own decision, goes into the gymnasium to check out the pounding music and gyrating students.

  Those inside the school walk quietly through the dark corridors between the silent classrooms.  Finding a map, they go up the stairs and into the biology room.  Joe finds the supply closet and opens it to reveal a tall man wearing coveralls and a rubber Frankenstein mask and wielding an ax.

  The man swings his ax, and Joe instinctively throws up his arm to block it.  After a quick chop, Joe’s arm is gone.  Fenton shoots the man, and he tumbles to the ground.  Marti treats Joe’s wound, while Jerry inspects the closet.  He finds a shelf filled with fetal pigs in jars, which are mysteriously alive and kicking in their fluid.  Jerry and Fenton each take two and move on.  Just before leaving the room, they check on the attacker, and he is strangely gone.  They decide not to stick around and rush away to the cars.

  Things outside are not much better.  The student dressed as a zombie proves to indeed have an extreme emotional hysteria, which is infectious.  A riot ensues as the students playfully bitten break into mass panic and rage, and Billy has to fight his way back to the cars.

  Then there’s the dance.  Art seems to have problems finding a partner as the dancers move away from his chickeny smell.  Then the music stops as a solemn teenage girl stands on the stage.  She asks, “Why wouldn’t you be my friends?”  Then peoples’ heads begin swelling and exploding.  Screams ensue and someone tricks the fire alarm, sending down cascading water.  Then the Mole People appear, bursting up through the floor and capture other students, dragging them down to their subterranean kingdom.  Art manages to push his way out, neither captured nor exploded.

  Unfortunately, he comes outside just as everyone else has piled into the cars and begin to drive away.  He hurries after them, suddenly finding a ghostly knight flying out of the heavens on horseback.  The ghost seizes Art around the middle, carrying him off.  He pursues the bank truck, which again runs afoul of a man in a black trench coat.  After some fancy driving and fancier grabbing of Art into the back of the truck, the ghost knight attacks Destruction, and the gang escapes into the night.

  They only go a few blocks, however, till an axe appears from under the truck and smashes into the hood.  The Frankenstein mask peeks up over the hood.  Marti, driving, hits the brakes and causes the man to lose his balance.  He falls off, then they run him over with two loud crunches.  They drive on a few more blocks, then, they are met by a familiar face:  the professor.  The rest of the body is different, with Art’s hand, someone else’s shoulder, and someone else’s torso.

  Marti accelerates and hits the professor, making his body explode over the hood.  His head and upper torso pop off as he slides under the truck.  They stop and surround the monster.  It attacks Fenton as he runs up from behind, pulling off his arm to replace parts destroyed by the truck.  Jerry smashes one of the fetal pig jars and tears the heart out.  The poor piggy squeals and twitches on the ground.

  Grappling with the monster, Jerry shoves the heart into its chest.  The monster screams an unholy scream, and the heart begins beating.  Marti hurries to treat Fenton before he passes out from bloodloss.  Gunfire ensues, and the wounded monster flees.  They chase after it, tackling and firing, till at last it climbs over a backyard fence and falls.  The gang charges, and Jerry shoots it through the heart, letting out one final booming unholy scream.

  The players find themselves back in the classroom, where bits of the professor lie on the stage and broken desks at their feet.  The people scatter, most trying to forget their night of torment.  Joe goes on being a mechanic, despite his lost arm.  Billy becomes a professional soccer hooligan.  Jerry lives happily, though has nightmares often about shooting a cop.  Art Vandelay makes a successful career in imports/exports, while his clients wonder why he always wears a hat and smells strangely of Italian food.  The stress of the night wears on Marti, and her father eventually has her committed to an institution.